Thanatophobia : This is the name phobia google suggested me for the feeling I was going through for may be last 3-4 months. Thanks to google to give me the exact word for this. Thanatophobia, means fear of death, or fear of dying. But am not sure this word completely suits the feeling I was going through. Yet it is true that I was undergoing this phobia, wait, I think I still have that underlying somewhere within me.
I am a seasonal Thanatophobian. This started way before when I was 12 or 13 years of old. My granny was 88 years old at that time, and thinking about her was the first time I started fearing death. But somehow I got rid of it, may be after her death. Then it started climbing me again when I was doing my graduation. I used to go for one hardware course after my college and used to get late while coming back. The time waiting for the bus, at the night, alone, brought me the feeling again. Succesfully got rid of that again.
Now I got under the phobia again after Lays had left to her home for her delivery of Totto. 🙂 I was alone in my room, at nights while surfing through facebook, while watching TV, anything, my mind went under the fear of dying. It started after seeing the movie, The Bucket List. After that night, it was very difficult to sleep. Whenever I close my eyes, the fear of death climbed back. Later I found out that its not the death am afraid of, am afraid of getting old and then facing the fact that anypoint from now I will be dead. What will happen after that, is their any soul inside us which will leave, then I am happy. If there is no soul, and death is the end of all, bhum, thats the worst thing that will happen.
I tried to find out the reasons why this phobia came back. The reasons were simple, I was alone, and that too time without sunlight brings weird thoughts into your mind. Day time you will be too busy to think these things. The solution for this was right inside these reasons. Dont get free time at night. Make yourself busy until your eyes tell to that go to sleep idiot.
That was the point when I decided to make my reading habit more strong. I did had this habit, but was not that aggressive. Now I am an aggressive reader. Read till my eyes get burned out and sleep on the book itself. And BINGO, I am surprised that the phobia is not creeping out anymore. I hope any one of you reading this will get some hint to overcome this. Make your mind understand the fact that death is unstoppable, and believe in god. Death is not the end of all, believe that.
But still am sure that Thanatophobia is lying inside me undercover, ready to jump out anytime.
A Fighter's Book 